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"I'm ready to go; where is my Rider?!"

The “B” part of Psalm 30:5 says: “…weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the Morning.”

Will there really be a Morning?

Is there such a thing as day?

Could I see it from the mountains,

If I were as tall as they?

Has it feet like water lilies?

Has it feathers like a bird?

Is it brought from famous countries

Of which I have never heard?

Oh, some scholar! Oh, some sailor!

Oh, some wise man from the skies!

Please to tell a little pilgrim

Where this place called Morning lies?

When, oh when will the Morning come?





"A Single Rose"



Family, Friends, Loved Ones,

I hope your adjustments to LWB are getting a little easier with each sunset and each new dawn. I hope and pray the "hurt" is lessening.

I hope you are finding it a little easier to breathe, to sleep, to eat, to think, to put one foot in front of the other. I pray that each new day brings you closer to MORNING; that mythical place where there is promised to be a sense of contentment; and even better, joy, peace, happiness, laughter and other great emotions.

I have been assured that MORNING is out there and I’m told I will get there with, or in TIME. I’m not there yet. Come on, join me, let’s head in that direction together. If you get there first, be patient with me, I’ll get there. Should I get there prior to your arrival, I will surely award you the same courtesy…I will be patient with you.

God in His infinite love, wisdom, compassion sends us into a state of shock when we lose a loved one. He knows we wouldn't be able to bear the pain while doing the things that are required of us, upto and including the funeral. Then gradually, the shock subsides, then the pain begins. Unfortunately, Tylenol, or Advil, doesn't help this kind of pain; not even vicodin, morphine,or percocet.

If I had solutions or methods to soothe the ache, I would list them here, but I don't. TIME, TIME and TIME.

LWB is...Life Without Bug.



The Baddest of the Bad - Our Bug - A Cowboy Angel

My Darling Family,

Hi, how are you today? I mean really, how are you? Are you taking one day at a time? Are you doing some deep breathing…in through the nose, out through the mouth? Are you putting one foot in front of the other one? Are you holding on, holding, holding, looking for that better day?

There is an old song that says: “If I can just hold out until tomorrow, If I can keep the faith through the night; If I can just hold out until tomorrow; everything will be all right.”

The “B” part of Psalm 30:5 says: “…weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the Morning.”

Vickie Winans sings:

It makes no difference how long the day,

trust in God, He’ll make a way;

(it’ll be all over in the Morning).

Weeping will last, but only for awhile,

but when the sun shines, you’ll wear a smile;

(it’ll be all over in the Morning).

In the Morning, In the Morning...

(it'll be all over in the Morning)

Emily Dickinson picked up her pen and wrote:

Will there really be a Morning?

Is there such a thing as day?

Could I see it from the mountains,

If I were as tall as they?

Has it feet like water lilies?

Has it feathers like a bird?

Is it brought from famous countries

Of which I have never heard?

Oh, some scholar! Oh, some sailor!

Oh, some wise man from the skies!

Please to tell a little pilgrim

Where this place called Morning lies?

There has been NINE (9) of us so long, that I can’t seem to wrap my mind around there being EIGHT (8). Did I think we were somehow invincible, inseparable, or what? Well, Reality is setting in and Reality is proving to be a real @#%$^. We will be okay. In spite of the way(s) we are feeling, God has been good to us. I am human, it hurts, but I won't complain. Thank You Lord.

Imagine this: Bug in Heaven sitting on the curb, head down, shaking it, saying: “Shuckin’, Shuckin’, Shuckin’!” Another Angel, BJ, walks up and says: “Come on Man. Let’s go. Jesus is giving a guided tour and after that He’s going to give us newest Angels an Orientation.”

Bug says: “Naw Man, go on, I can’t go.”

BJ: “Why not?! It’s going to be great!”

Bug: “Jesus gave each of us a lighted candle. He wants us to let our light shine, but my family and friends are crying about me mostly every day. Their tears keep putting my candle out. So I have to just sit here. Shuckin’, Shuckin’, Shuckin’. Go on Man, Ima try to catch y’all tomorrow.”

It hurts, so we cry. There’s no shame, but let’s try real hard to not cry every day. Let’s let Bug walk around with his candle shining bright. Oouuuu child, can’t you just see him stomping up and down, back and forth on those Golden Streets in his Cowboy boots?! Umf, umf, umf. They ain’t never seen nothing like him up there. But then there’s never been anyone like our Bug.

It’s gone be aw-ite in the Morning. But, Oh Lord, where is that place called Morning? How long before I get there? Will I recognize it when I reach it? Those are the questions you are asking. I have no answers…none. But hold on…we must. Lean on each other…we must. "All We’ve Ever Had Is Each Other."

God bless you; that God will give you Peace in your heart is my prayer.

I love you,

As Always,






I personally want to thank each of you for showing great love for each other, and especially for Grandmother during what seemed to have been a nightmare for us; but was real. It's going to take time for us to get over this.

So, when you feel like it, just shout, cry, hit something or go find some alone space. I know we'll all hurt for sometime and maybe even say, "What if" from time to time. We know that he was loved and that he loved us.

Maybe that's why it hurts so much; we didn't see it coming. His memory will live on. And we may, from time to time, find ourselves thinking of something funny he said, and we'll smile about it.

Thanks to everyone for making Grandmother smile on her birthday; she had a blast with just family.




Dear Mom,

I haven’t had a chance to officially tell you “Thanks” for Always coming to my rescue, and being there for me and my family. How do you say “Thanks” to someone that is always there whenever called upon? You always stop what you are doing and help out; whether it’s your family or friends. People tend to talk about how slow you are but you are always on time when you are needed.

I will never forget sitting in that hospital bed on June 29 talking to Aunt Sue on the phone when the doctors and nurses rushed into my room. One grabbed the phone and the other started trying to put something on my face.

I didn’t know what was going on. I kept asking, “What is this? What is this?” because I wouldn’t put it on. I thought maybe they had the wrong room and they were trying to put me under. I really wasn’t sure. Then finally the doctor told me it was oxygen, and my baby’s heart rate had dropped. I put the oxygen on and they kept turning me and finally it came back up.

That was the second time, and they said, “If it happens again we will have to take the baby.” I called Ronnie and told him what had happened, and then I called you. I’m not going to lie, that scared me. All those people rushing in and me not knowing what was going on.

Later that day, the doctor decided to take me off the monitor and give me break. When it was time to get back on, there was some confusion. The nurse said I would only be on 15 minutes to 1 hour every 8 hours. I don’t think so.

I told Ronnie, “We could be at home if that’s the case. What if the baby’s heart rate drops? We won’t know here at the hospital nor at home.” The nurse told us, “The doctor wants to give you some rest.” I said, “Rest ?! I have gone 8 months and I’m not going to risk my baby’s health for some rest now. I will rest when he gets here.” I told the nurse, “I need to speak with the doctor.” She said she had to call her after she took me off the monitor. “No you don’t understand. I need to talk to her now!”

Before I started to go off, I called you. Some people may say, “Why did you call your mom?” Well about a month before, my doctor had pissed me off so bad and I wanted to go flat off. You said, “Sheronda you don’t go off on the doctor that is going to operate on you.” so I decided to call you to see how to handle this situation.

I called and you said, “I’m out and about and it’s raining. I will have to call you back.” I was thinking, “Call me back, I need to talk to you now!” but I hung up and waited for that call. I turned over and started talking to Ronnie. The nurse came in to tell me the doctor was trying to get me on the phone.

Then my door opened again and there you were standing in my hospital door with your hands on your hips. I’m not sure about Ronnie but I know I was happy to see you. I knew Ronnie had everything under control but there is nothing like having two of your BFF’s there to support you.

You gave Ronnie the night off and we talked, watched TV and then went to bed. The next morning you went to get breakfast. Upon your return the doctor was in the room telling me that we were about to have a baby. You said, “A baby! What happened while I was gone?” They explained and then they went into emergency mode. You told them, “Ronnie is at work and we can’t have a baby until he gets here.”

They said, “Call him, because we are having a baby in 40 minutes.” I remember the anesthesiologist give me an epidural and after that being in the OR asking if Ronnie had made it and they said, “No but your mom is dressed if he doesn’t make it.” Then Ronnie walked in, and from there on, I don’t remember a thing until I woke up in recovery.

You have always been there. I remember when I was pregnant with Jon and they had to move my c-section date up, there you were in Atlanta waiting for your first grandchild to be born. Then Josh came and he had to stay in the hospital.

You don’t like the traffic here in Atlanta, but there you were driving me back and forth to the hospital while Ronnie was at work; sometimes twice a day. When my nerves were a wreck, you would say, “What do you want to do?” You would take me back to the hospital or call your BFF (Grandmother) and I would get back on track.

You have always been there for us. All I can say is “Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.” I wish I could give back what you have given me over the years; all your time, money and love. Every time I wanted something or needed something, you may not have had it, but you made it possible. When I think of you, I think of Celine Dion’s song Because You Loved Me.

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am Because you loved me

I Love You Mom.

Love Always,



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