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REST IN PEACE JOHNNIE

June 2018

Hi Honey,

It's been a while. I had so much I have wanted to talk to you about that I have not found a starting point. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.

 

 

I talked to Cynt a few days ago. She's enjoying her retirement, but she says so many days, she doesn't know what to do or how to feel. I pray for her continuously.



I really haven't felt like myself since you've been gone. I have nobody to talk to, or cry to or anything really. I do what I need to do, I say the proper things...I think and I be at the places I need to be, but it doesn't feel like me or feel real. It feels like I'm acting or something.



I've been wanting to share my Great-Grandbaby with you. I know you would be so happy for me. He has brought me so much laughter, joy and anguish. It's a long story. He is sweet.



Thank you for listening. I'm having trouble going to sleep so here I am up, on the computer babbling. Rest in Peace; you deserve it.

Miss you.

April 2018

AUGUST 2017

Hi Johnnie,

Your Family is hanging in there. It's a year now and things are moving along. Cynt has been having an especially difficult time all month long. School is starting and she's hoping that getting out of the house will be a great help. I hope and pray it will.
 

Jason was here a few weeks ago and got in touch. He was in Moselle. Had never heard of the place. Kent said it was a little town near Laurel.
 

I received a video of your boy rapping and stepping with his peers. He is fine, as chubby as ever, but you can tell he is far too intelligent and "booje" to be "down" with the Homies. Bless his heart, he was trying to hang though. He did good.
 

Your Family sent 24 roses to honor you Anniversary. They always send live flowers and I take them to the grave, but I'm sure they last 2 days at max. I want to suggest artificial, but I haven't been able to do it yet.
 

They miss you Honey.

Johnnie, Child, Honey, Honey,
 

It's YOUR Anniversary; a year since you went HOME to be with the Lord. All is well, but you are missed so much.
 

I thank God you are no longer weeping and wailing; no longer yearning and hoping. You have had a year of freedom and it goes on for eternity.
 

I thank God, on a regular basis that you are free; I'm so glad you are free, but I miss you and think about you every day of my life. Sometimes it's in laughter, sometimes it in tears, sometimes it's such loneliness that I'm nearly paralyzed with pain, most often it's in gratefulness for the 68 years, all of them. Thank you Brer, thank you. I have one hope and that is that you knew how much you meant to me.
 

Bye for now, until we meet again.

This is your Headstone. I've been trying to show it to you for months. Cynt chose it, worded the sentiments and paid. You would be so proud of her. She's handling her business. I hope you are pleased with it.
 

I attempted to go out there right after Michael's Party, but she suggested I wait. She still hasn't changed anything or let anything go. I think she thinks having me around might "force" her to do that. :( Now that I have waited this long, the more difficult it has become to even think about going. It's nearly a year, and I still miss you every day of my life. So much I need to talk to you about. Sad situation, huh? :( I know. :)

Your Birthday

Father's Day

1 Corinthians 15New Living Translation (NLT) (EXCERPTS)
 

35 But someone may ask, “How will the dead be raised? What kind of bodies will they have?” 36 What a foolish question! When you put a seed into the ground, it doesn’t grow into a plant unless it dies first. 37 And what you put in the ground is not the plant that will grow, but only a bare seed of wheat or whatever you are planting. 38 Then God gives it the new body he wants it to have.
 

53 For our dying bodies must be transformed into bodies that will never die; our mortal bodies must be transformed into immortal bodies.
 

54 Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled:
 

YOU GOT NEW LEGS NOW, BOO...HAVE YOURSELF A WALK AROUND HEAVEN!

While you are walking around, and getting an audience with Jesus, look your brother up. He's going to be so glad to see you, and to see you walking. Y'all have fun. Fare thee well. I'll see you. Oh child, I'll see you. xoxo

Thursday, September 1, 2016
 

Hi there (Your infamous greeting),


Two weeks to the day that you made your transition. I am so happy for you, Baby; no more embarrassment, humiliation, regret, shortcomings, dependency, loneliness, wistfulness. No more heartache, no more hurt, no more tears, and Lord Jesus, no more pain. You are Free; at peace; at rest.


In spite of it all my joy, my heart breaks daily, when I look at the clock, trying to give you time to wake up so I can call. You have alternately been my Little Brother, my Child, my Big Brother, my Husband, my Friend and Confidante, and on many occasions, my Daddy. You've been Advisor, Planner, Negotiator, Champion and Supporter. I miss you so much. Thanks to modern technology, I will always have the sound of your voice around me, but it's nothing compared to an actual real conversation.


When I get past the loneliness, adjust to and accept the fact that I now have no one to talk to, I mean really, really talk to, I’ll probably be able to put some kind of life back together for myself.


I awakened this morning thinking “I have to remember to ask Johnnie about the Elijah in Jaylen’s name.” Then I remembered…Oh God!


I talked to A.J. Tuesday, and he mentioned that his grandson is named Elijah and that your grandson’s middle name is Elijah. I wasn’t aware of that nor any significance associated with it; might have been a coincidence or it could be something else, but I will never know.

 

Speaking of Jaylen, he can ride now without the training wheels. Ain’t that something? The day you are laid to your eternal rest, he had Uncles and Cousins holding the bike teaching him to balance himself and ride. He was so excited. I know you tried so hard, but you just couldn’t do it in the chair.
 

Your children are going to be alright. They went back to work this week. Getting back to the routine of their life is healthy and will help the healing. Cynt is going to be better/alright in time. She has so much ahead of her and I know she’s overwhelmed. She says she’s going back to work next week, even though she still has “time off.” I will go back to help if she wants/needs me. I’m going back soon whether she says anything or not. I told you I was not going to desert your family and I meant it. Chet already asked me, “Tee, are you coming back to visit us?” I said, “Of course.” And I meant it.
 

I thank the Lord for all those nights I spent in the hospital with you; the long, long talks; the sharing of feelings; the time and ability to say things to each other we had never shared before. You said, "I hope in the end, you have somebody to take as good of care of you as you have done for me. And I hope I'm sitting at the gate when you come in." I said, "You will be standing Boo. Remember when we get to Heaven we will have new bodies, you will have new legs." Oh, the smile that crossed your face was priceless. You said, "I'ma have new legs?! Wow!" Then you napped a while. I boo-hoo'ed.
 

It was so good to know that I haven’t been getting on your nerves as much as I thought. Good to know that you knew you could count on me. Good to hear you tell your family to take care of me and not let me take it too hard. That let me know you were aware of how much you meant to me. You thanked me for being the only one to want what you wanted. But oh child, child, child…every breath I took was like a razor cutting my lungs and heart.
 

You were so crazy and funny during some of those talks; a comedian to the end. I told Simmons some of the things you said. He laughed so hard. I know you wanted to just close your eyes and wake up in glory, and I am so sorry it didn’t happen that way. Every time you opened your eyes and saw me, you were so disappointed because you knew you were still here. I was so sorry. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how.
 

God had dispatched Angels to prepare for your entrance. He had a Special Servant coming Home and everything had to be just so. When He was ready, He told them, “Now go get him.” You closed your eyes and went on.
 

I thank Him every day for you. I thank Him for sharing you with us all these years. I thank Him for taking you home.
 

Rest Honey, we are going to be alright. Day by day, hour by hour, step by step, we are moving forward.
 

If loved could have saved you….

LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND:

June 8, 2000

 

 

 

Johnnie,

 

 
When I first thought about writing this, I thought I’d write a story about you. Then it seemed like I wanted to write a letter to you, so now I’m confused. I don’t know what this is going to end up being.

 

 
You should probably save it; it will be valuable one day. You see, I am an aspiring writer. I know you didn’t know that, but I am. Some day I will be published and everything I’ve ever written will be of some value. You will have an original work of mine and can choose to sell it or not. See what I mean? As soon as I get my computer, I’m going to do some real work and begin sending it to magazines and publishers.

 

 
I haven’t let you read any of the things that I have already written, but those who’ve read my essays or stories seem to feel they are good. Everyone wants to be my agent; nobody wants to help with the real work.

 

 
I don’t know what my first memories of you are. I know a lot of things about my early childhood, but I don’t know if I remember them or if I know them because I’ve heard the stories so often. I was just a little over two years when you were born and I am sure I loved you then as much as my little two-year-old heart could love. I’m sure I was excited to have a little brother. I’m sure I played with you, but I can’t truthfully say I remember. I can remember Henry’s birth and him as a baby, but I don’t have a picture of you or Sue as babies in my head.

 

 
So, I guess my first real memories of you would be bits and pieces of you at about four or five, which would make me six or seven. I can remember Momma or Daddy walking me to school and coming back to get me in the evening because I would be walking by myself. Then eventually you got old enough for school and we walked together. I guess that’s why I can walk today, I walked all my life. As I look back on it, that was a pretty good walk to Little Mount everyday. We didn’t think about it, we had it to do, so we did it.

 

 
Do you remember the sand bed? I can remember playing with you in the sand bed. I have no idea where sand came from in that location. There was no water there. It seems that sand is only on beaches, but we know better. That was the softest, cleanest sand ever and it wasn’t on a beach, or anywhere near water.

 

 
I can remember how Momma used to let you sit on the steps at church because you didn’t want to come in, said the preacher made your head hurt. So she’d let you sit outside on the steps. After you got older, she’d let you stay at home on preaching Sunday. The rest of us had to go and be inside the church. How you got away with so much, I’ll never know. J

 

 
I can remember how happy you were on Christmas, how happy we all were. We loved Christmas. We got a toy and candy and fruit that one time of year. We put our boxes out for Santa and went to bed and Momma and Daddy would wake us up early in the morning to tell us Santa had come. Daddy would make a fire so we wouldn’t freeze and we would be all wide-eyed and crazy. You and Henry would get cap pistols and a holster or a tricycle. Sue and I would get a doll or a rocking horse or something. Whatever it was, we were so happy.

 

 
Years went by and you were just my “little” brother. I was always there to take care of you. Momma used to leave me in charge, like I could make you all do something or whip you if you didn’t. I thought of you all as not only my sisters and brothers, but as my children also. I remember us leaving Little Mount and going to school at Little Rock for a while. We used to pull tree limbs down and swing on them. One particular day you were having so much fun on the limb with me pushing you that you didn’t want to stop.

 

 
The bell had rung for us to go back in and you wanted me to push you one more time. I pushed; you let go and fell on your arm and broke it. I thought I would die because I knew you were hurt, and if I didn’t, I knew Momma was going to kill me. They took you to the doctor and he put a cast on. That was one of our few experiences going to a doctor. Coal oil and soot cured all our cuts and bruises. One kind of tea or the other cured all other ailments. I remember waiting on you hand and foot, you were my little brother and I was supposed to take care of you. If for some reason I failed to move as fast as you thought I should, you never failed to remind me it was my fault you broke your arm.

 

 
Some time later you sprained your ankle. Daddy built us a swing in the yard. After some time one of the poles had begun to rot and he told us to not use it until he fixed it. They went to town, I was in charge and you had to swing or die. I pushed you a few times and said, “Get off now, before it breaks.” You had to be pushed one more time. Just one more time. When I pushed you, the pole started to fall; I said, “Jump, Johnnie and run.” You jumped and ran, but you ran back to me instead of forward, and the pole fell on your leg. And yes, you held that over my head and insisted I carry you on my back, since you couldn’t walk, and it was my fault.

 

 
You always played on my sympathies and got your way. Momma used to take us to town two at a time and every time it was my time to go, you just had a fit and cried all morning, “Oh Bettye, let me go to town, I want to go. Please let me go. Boo-hoo-hoo”, until I said, “Okay, you can go in my place, but make sure Momma brings me something back”. Then you would dry your eyes and joy would prevail again. There I was, taken again, made a fool of, again. I don’t know why you didn’t pursue a career in acting, because you were good.

 

 
Time went on, we grew up, worked hard, ate well, never knew we were living beneath the poverty level until we got grown and left home. We went different ways, but somehow you and I ended up here together. I was so glad when you came to California. Why, I don’t know.

 

 
I’m not sure when you went from being my little brother, to being my big brother, my friend, my confidante, my support system, my problem solver, my shoulder to lean on, but that’s what you are. You’ve been there when I had to have surgery. To take me and to bring me home. You listened when the doctor enumerated the things I could and could not do. You even took my car home with you to be sure I wouldn’t/couldn’t drive too soon, as if I am stupid or something. J If I never thanked you properly, let me go on record saying thank you. I know you did that because of your love and concern for me. You’ve let me cry on your shoulder, you’ve advised me about my car or whatever. You’ve just been there for me through the years.

 

 
This is just to say I love you and admire the man you grew up to be. You are the best brother and friend anyone could ever ask for. You are the world’s greatest husband and father, and will soon be known as the world’s greatest grandfather. You were blessed with such patience and gentleness where your children are concerned and that’s why they hold you in such high esteem. You’ve always been there for your children, from tiny, tiny babies up to adulthood. And, I know your grandchildren are going to be crazy about you also. They’ll grow up knowing they have the best Pa-Pa in the world

 

 
I’ve watched you be up and down these past few years with your health. I’ve watched you agonize over a job. And through all of this, I haven’t been able to do anything to help. I know I have been acting like I’m your mother or something, just royally getting on your nerves. But, I don’t know what else to do. I feel like that sometime. I try to back off and let you make your own decisions and tell me what you want me to know. I know your desire to live and be healthy and work is as strong as mine is; yet I keep worrying you. I don’t mean to, but I do. I know you wish I had a husband or a child or someone to take up my time so I wouldn’t always be in your face, but I don’t. But where there’s life there’s hope. I just might find someone any day now and be so busy you won’t see or hear from me at all. J

 

 
I’ll close now. We never know what tomorrow will bring, in fact we can’t be sure of later today, all we have is now. I just want to say I love you, I thank you, I appreciate you, I admire your strength and fortitude, and I thank God for you. You are my hero.

 

 
Love you,

As always,

Your soon to be

famous sister,

Saturday, September 3, 2016







 

Hi Child,

 
That letter was written at work. I didn’t have a computer at that time, so I utilized the one on the job for everything. I imagine I enclosed it in a card for Father’s Day, but I might have given it to you before, who knows. I know for sure I gave it to you, I’m sure you read it at some point, but we never talked about it; the theme then was, “Don’t overly share.” J But oh, those nights in the hospital, I will cherish forever.
 
Later that year, September 2000, I moved in across the street. Who does that? What single woman consciously decides to move across the street from her brother?! Not just brother, but one who thinks he is daddy and husband. OMG! I mean...really?! But that was, initially, some fun times. I would mention something I needed done and come home from work to find it done. I would come home and find a pie or some other food in the Fridge from your wife. I threatened on many occasions to take my key away from y’all. Never got that far though. That was when I got my first computer, and the rest, as they say, is history. Still haven't gotten famous though. J
 
Later, when your health began to fail, I was grateful that I could just run across the street and check on you or see how you were doing or take you to an appointment. You did all you could to use me while saving your wife. J It’s okay though. We had it like that. We lived like that 10 years, until I moved back to Mississippi. I know you must have gotten so tired of me crying, complaining and venting about being here. Those first two years were almost my undoing, but you talked me through it, telling me how strong I am; that I’m strong like you. You helped me so much.
 
We helped each other through the agony of losing Bug. It hurt so badly and you were hurt because you couldn’t attend. I have agonized so much over how hurt you would be that you couldn’t attend any of our funerals should we transition before you. Now that is no longer one of my worries. You helped me overcome my hurt and dismay at the treatment of my cousin and hope-to-die friend during the time of bereavement. Again, there you were with the, “It’s gone be alright. You’re strong like me.” I moved on, we talk, but it will never be the same, but it’s all good.
 
Now I am so dismayed, disappointed and disgruntled, lots of ill feelings, but it’s going to be all right. You are not here to help me through this, but I am making it. Our good friend has just…I don’t know what words to use. But we had already talked about me sending her the CD’s and her lack of response. I just let it go. Anyway, she came for the service, and what drama!! At the Mortuary, there she was all laid out in the chair like she was the widow. I acted like I didn’t see her. She finally got up and put her hands on my shoulders, and said “Hi.” That’s it, “Hi.” Cynt said she stood at the casket so long, she sent Jason up there to take her away, ‘cause people were having to moving around her. I was somewhere else in my head and didn’t look up when the casket was opened. That’s good, ‘cause I might have gone up there and hit her in her face.
 
 How dare she make it about her! She probably hadn’t seen or talked to you in a few years, now she wants all the attention like she is suffering so much. Give me a break!!! We will be okay someday, but it too, will never be the same, but that's okay too. I've later learned, she was so offended that Rev. Coleman "had" to call her and tell her of your transition. I have no idea how he found out that soon. But you know how fast bad news travel and EVERYBODY wants to be the first to tell it.
 
As soon as Millie got the news to Jackson, I guess the Jungle drums began. I needed time to process it and it was a minute before I told anyone. Then I sent a text, I could not talk. It was the next day or so before I told the church. I called Lena after a while and the Kings. They wanted to visit, Lena said I needed somebody to just hold me. I declined. I went to her house a few days later and that's what she did. Forgive me if my first thought was not getting the news out, and for what? Like you often said, "What difference was it going to make?" Holding it together and helping your wife and children was my initial concern.
 
Speaking of our former spiritual leader, he has yet to offer any words of concern or condolences to your wife and children, or to me for that matter. I guess he's offended also, that Cynt's first thought was not to call him, or mine either. It's okay, it's times like these that separate the REAL and the Fake.
 
I have done all I can for people over the years, cards, letter, my shoulders, my arms, my hands. I have helped them cry, cried with them, told them it’s okay to cry, “You don’t have to be strong with me.” But when I need a shoulder, nobody can put themselves out of their comfort zone. They don’t know what to say or what to do is the consensus. Try doing for me, some…just a smidgen of what I have done for you. Huh? Is that possible? Nope, not for old Bettye. Doesn’t matter anymore. My heart is closed as we speak. No more hurt and dismay for me, not from Family, Friends, NOBODY.
 
If you don’t expect anything, you cannot be hurt or disappointed. I have not been able to say a word of comfort to anyone but your wife and children. They have tried to comfort me also. I am expected to do all the work. I should call, I should visit, I should send a card, write a letter, do something. I am drained. I am dry. I’ve talked to or listened to anyone who has called. I did write Cynt a letter to read on the flight back. I guess she has read it, but we haven’t discussed it and probably never will. They left me a Thank You card on the dresser. Broke me down.
 
 I made copies of the program on my computer and sent them to some people. I made Thank You cards for myself and for your Momma and siblings; bought stamps also; have heard nothing from anyone. It’s ok, though. I receive nothing and I have nothing to give. Grandmother came over yesterday and brought me a salad and brownie; the panacea for everything. She had just left the hospital and full of information about 231 Roosevelt St. I cannot help her or your siblings, I have nothing left to give anyone. I've been keeping puzzles on her page, that's about as much as I can do for her. I've been putting them on the other page also, even though...anyway, I'm doing the best I can. I have been holding myself together with spit, not very durable, but it's the best I can do. Lord have mercy, Jesus!!
 
Lena has been my ROCK. Not just at your transition, but all year. For some reason, she gets me. She lets me talk it out, and cry and whatever and she cries because she understands my pain. She said, “Ms Thomas, I have never known anyone who felt the way you feel about your brother…your entire family in fact.” She gets how I feel and has for years. Back in the day, she heard me speak of you and she thought you all were my son & daughter-in-law, and the kids were my grandkids since I had them all the time. Now ain’t that something? Bless her heart. I'm thankful for your sister that you never had a chance to meet, Vee, even though she stays in the tree more than me almost. J Cynt and Chet met her while they were here albeit briefly.
 
Today is Saturday. A week ago, you were laid to rest in your beloved Utica; right next to Bug. Wish I could have had the spot between you two. J Anyway, that’s where you are. Henry is so happy you came home. He has talked about that for some time. He wants all of us to be up there on that hill. I don’t know if he knows, Sue has a place here in Jackson and will not be on the hill. Bless his heart.
 
I must apologize for going against your wishes. There was a Wake/Viewing/Family Hour in spite of you saying you did not want the casket opened again. Please forgive me, for asking Cynt to allow it. She agreed only because I told her she and the kids did not have to attend. God worked it out; their flight didn’t arrive in time for it anyway. I will hope your main objective was that they wouldn’t have to attend and go through that again. It turned into a circus. I wasn't there, had no intention of going. I didn't attend the one for Bug either, remember? I saw the signature book, there were so many people there you didn't know and they didn't know you. So the Family Hour turned into a Funeral. And it went on much longer than the actual Funeral. I apologize for that also.
 
I know you never cared for or understood the color schemes at parties, etc, so for sure you would not have liked it for your ultimate “Party.” There was no color scheme for Bug, don't know why it was necessary for you. I did not, could not participate. I had done all I could do while you were alive and aware of it, it just didn't matter at that point. It was YOUR day, not about me. Michael came from work, so I know he didn't either. He had nothing to prove, he was in touch with you regularly. His last letter/text to you said it all. I wish I could have shown him the look on your face when I read it to you.
 
I showed it to Vern, it tickled her to death. Speaking of Vern, she did a great job. You would have been so proud of her. She said you had called her in tears a few days before going into the hospital. I am so glad she has been there for you, your friend and spiritual advisor. I know that had to be the most difficult thing she has done since entering the ministry. I was proud of her also.
 
And yes, there was a Repast/Party/Gathering after the Burial. Little Mount prepared snacks for everyone and the Big Gathering was at your Momma’s. I guess everyone dined sufficiently and was satisfied at how it all worked out. Cynt noticed the big old name plate on the casket and asked me about it. I pretended ignorance. She called Jason to ask him about it, he said it wasn't on there. She said, "Maybe they did it for identification since they were shipping the body out of state." I said, "Maybe." Yes child, you had a name plate, like Jesus didn't know you. After the Burial, Cynt and Chet got in bed and slept 4 hours or so. Probably the first quiet they had had in forever. She decided to go over for a visit after she woke up, then she had to go the Vicksburg. I felt so sorry for her. And Chet didn’t leave her side.
 
We went to breakfast Sunday and they went back to bed. At some point, she got up and asked me to take her to Ms Hattie's. I moved at her command. When she got ready to leave, we came back and they got back in bed. I can't even imagine all the pain, fear, loneliness and purposelessness that was sitting in her chest at that time. You had been her purpose for so long, now she had "ME" time staring her in the face. I have been asking myself, "What did I used to do all day?" My days seem so very long and my nights seem even longer. I multiply that by 100 and don't come close to what she must be feeling. I hurt for her and will stay in touch. She says she's going back to work this week and I hope she does. I don't know when or how she's going to face the monumental task of packing and letting go. Lord have mercy Jesus.
 
I know your people loved/love you, and they mean/meant well, so forgive them also. A party can break out for any reason at all. I had no desire to be involved in the frivolity and party atmosphere and felt no need to even pretend. Everyone has their own method of dealing with life and death and everything in between and I will not apologize that I don’t fit into anyone’s template. I wanted quiet and/or one-on-one, but I’m different like that, huh? You were the only one who knew and understood me, so now…there’s no one. Anyway, hope you won’t count this against me. Hope you will still be glad to see me and be standing at the gate when we meet again.
 
Yesterday was the first day in many weeks that I awakened and didn’t have the elephant sitting on my chest. It was not there this morning either. I ask myself, “What would Johnnie be doing if he was still here?” Then I think of the tears, the hurt, the disappointment, dismay, pain, etc. That’s when I say, “Thank You Lord. Thank You for taking him home to live with you. Thank You for giving him rest and peace.”
 
When I can get past those certain times of day that we usually talked, when I can get past wanting to share something funny, sad, different, unusual with you, I will breathe a little easier. I miss you so much, but I must let you go. I must stop crying for not having you and rejoice over the 68 years we had. Rest now child.
 
 IF LOVED COULD'VE HAVE SAVED YOU....

THE LETTER I GAVE CYNT

 8-27-16

 
Sis-N-Law,
 
My emotions are all over the place, so this may not make sense until you have read it more than once. Thank you for loving and taking care of my brother all these years, good times, bad times, health and the illnesses you helped him endure. I totally agree with Michael, You two, were made for each other. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your and his family.
 
I have several siblings and I love all of them, would do anything for them, but your husband was my heart. That makes you and the children my heart also. I don’t know all the reasons why, but I loved that man. Sometimes I was one of his children, or he talked to me like I was and sometimes I was his momma. Thank you for allowing me to be in and out of your house all these past years.
 
Chet asked if I’m coming back to visit. I plan to do just that, whenever it’s okay…when the dust settles a little bit. But, if you need or want my help with packing and moving, let me know. When you need to talk about him, when you need to cry about him, call me and it doesn’t matter what time it is. Nobody knows how much you loved, and devoted your life to him better than I know. Don’t try to bear it alone. I know you are strong, private, independent, self sufficient and all that, but everybody needs help sometimes. Let LeLe help, I know she’s there, just let her help. I’m going to try not to impose or worry your nerves. Let me know, right away if I do. I just want you to know I’m here for you.
 
I know you need your quiet, “Me N Jesus” time. I’m going to have mine, yes Lord. Have yours. It’s ok. Try not to make yourself sick. Like we discussed, getting back to work will probably be a good thing…but when you are ready. It will sort of break your day up, give you people to be around and yell at. J Call me Girl if you need me.
 
I would have tried to say this in person, but I already know it would not work. I know you all have to go home and get back to your lives, but it seems like I dread seeing you go so badly. And I can’t even imagine what you are thinking and feeling as you go. We are in this together. Honey said for us to take care of each other. You may not need me, but I “sho-nuff-for real” need you. We gone make it, it’s going to be all right. Some glad morning….
 
You have $300 in change from the check and the $300 from the church comes after the Head Stone. The change will be in the mail when they release it.
 

One day at a time, just one day. Love you Girl. Take good care of yourself.

September 8, 2016...Thursday, again. :(

Hi there,
 

Aiysha sent this clip to me a few days ago. I had a major meltdown after watching it. I just knew it had put such a big old smile on your face to see your boy riding without training wheels.


I could see the smile, in my mind's eye, and realizing I won't ever see it again, on this side, was just a bit much at the time.


I felt much better after it was over.


Miss you Boy.

September 10, 2016

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